Netflix: 5 Movies You'll Actually Watch

Netflix: 5 Movies You’ll Actually Watch

How do you use Netflix?

If you’re anything like me, Netflix is your one-stop shop for catching up on all those TV shows you meant to watch but didn’t have the time for (e.g., Breaking Bad, Sons of Anarchy, or the recent addition of thewhole mother-F’ing West Wing). Movies have become an afterthought.

Part of this is possibly due to the decrease in movie selection after Starz pulled their titles for fear of losing….well, to be fair, pretty much their entire network of programming. A bigger part of this could be because over half the movies at our disposal are, to put it delicately, shit.

I’m talkin’ “straight-to-DVD-but-from-Wesley-Snipes’s-cousin-Simon-Snipes-and-Dear-God-You’re-Still-Here Steven-Seagal-with-bad-CGI-and-worse-acting-about-an-alien-invasion-that-closely-resembles-Transformers-but-we-swear-isn’t” awfulness.

Despite the large turd quota that lies within the Netflix movie selection, the occasional quality film slips through the cracks. Here are some of my favorites.

Battle Royale

Battle-Royale-Movie-Poster-800x1124

For:

-Hipsters that thought The Hunger Games was too mainstream

-People who thought The Hunger Games could’ve used machine guns and explosions

-Anyone who needed another reason to say Japan is messed up

The Skinny:

In an adaptation of the book of the same name, Battle Royale follows a class of students that are forced by the government to fight to the death. Oh, and if that’s not horrible enough, they’ve been given a countdown to force a winner while wearing collars that will make their heads explode if they disobey.

Countless tragedies ensue as the teens turn against one another, embrace their inner sociopath, or fight to avoid fighting altogether. Despite the high amount of blood, death, and action, there’s a fair amount of depth to the characters and a Lord of the Flies-esque look into human nature. Also, any movie with a middle finger to authority gets my vote.

Goon

goon-movie-poster

For:

-Frat guys

-Drunken frat guys (editor’s note: There’s a difference?)

-Fans of hockey fights

-R-rated comedy fans

The Skinny:

Doug (Sean William Scott) is a brick-thick bouncer with a big heart and a bit of a mean streak. When said mean streak gets him into a fistfight during a hockey game, Doug is picked up to be an enforcer for a minor league team. This leads to him working his way through fights, learning to skate, dealing with a girl who may or may not be into him, and facing an imminent showdown with the league’s most notorious fighter Sabertooth.

Sorry! Sorry, I meant Liev Schreiber.

Scott is perfect for the role both in size and demeanor, and Jay Baruchel’s script provides all the inspiration of a sports movie coupled with the laughs of a good Judd Apatow movie. I said “good,” Funny People. You’re not wanted here.

Corialanus

Coriolanus-Movie-Poster-Photos-Ninja-Romeo

For:

-Shakespeare/Theatre nerds

-Fans of Olde English

-Anyone who ever wanted Voldemort & Leonidas to have a knife fight

The Skinny:

Since most modern adaptations of Shakespeare tend to be teen comedies, it’s refreshing to see a more poignant modern take. Ralph Fiennes’s directorial debut features himself in the title role of this Shakespearean Roman tragedy set in a modern militarized nation. The words may feel out of place for some but the action, the acting, and topical themes can’t be ignored.

That, and it’s always good to Gerald Butler in something besides an awful romcom.

Bernie

bernie

For:

-Anyone who ever wanted Shirley MacLaine murdered

-Jack Black believers

-Jack Black doubters

The Skinny: 

Based on a true story, Jack Black stars as Bernie Tiede, the most loved man in a small Texas town who also murders the town’s most loathed woman. Telling the story in the form a documentary, director Richard Linklater mixes in how the crime came to be with the town’s reactions, including some classic lines from real citizens of the town.

Anyone who doesn’t believe Jack Black can act should check this out. The complete opposite of his naturally over-the-top personality, Black portrays Bernie with so much sweetness and lovely singing that you’ll quickly forgive him for murder. Throw in a great supporting role from Matthew McConaughey- yes, you read that right- and you’ve got a funny, entertaining tale.

Equilibrium

Equilibrium-movie-poster

For:

-Fans of seeing Batman shoot people

-People who thought 1984 should’ve had guns

-People who love kick-ass gun fights

-Those wondering if Sean Bean will survive for once

-Guns guns guns guns

The Skinny:

In a sci-fi future, all emotion has been outlawed to avoid violent conflict, and all the citizens have to regulate themselves with drugs. Those that dare to feel or hold onto contraband with emotional content (art, music, etc.) are killed in violent conflicts by the clerics- enforcers with mastery of a martial art known as the gun kata.

The best of the clerics is John Preston, who just so happens to miss his daily drug dosage. Now experiencing the wonderful world of feelings, Preston works to hide his new emotions and take down the oppressive  regime from the inside.

A plethora of martial arts and gun fights follow.

Hey, if you’re not interested by now, then you never will be.

Out of Sight

out_of_sight

For:

-Clooneyphiles

-Fans of J. Lo and her insured ass

-Steven Soderbergh fans/fans of Ocean’s Eleven directing style

-More clever characters from the writer whose work gave us Jackie Brown & TV’s Justified

-Anyone who wants to know how sexy a scene can be without sex

The Skinny Story (Sorry. Legally, J. Lo’s butt and the word “skinny” can’t be that close together):

Our plot follows characters on opposite sides of the law. On the one hand, there’s Jack Foley- career criminal, thief by trade, and recently-escaped convict looking for a big score. Then there’s US Marshal Karen Sisco who’s looking to make her mark in her male-dominated work force. However, a crossing of paths causes sparks to fly and self-reflection.

In lesser hands, this movie could easily turn into a romcom; thankfully, this is an adult romance with slick characters, memorable dialogue, and legitimate sexual tension. It’s hard to find a movie so simple yet so enjoyable.

Find any other hidden masterpieces on Netflix?  Tell us about it!

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