Super Bowl Trailer Breakdown
Considering the amount of money a Super Bowl ad costs, movie trailers need to be insanely impressive to warrant such a treatment. This means it’s usually reserved for summer blockbusters, or in last year’s case a movie they’re going to release in March (GI Joe: Retaliation). Since my viewing state during the Super Bowl can generously be called “full-on frat guy douchebag mode,” here is my semi-appropriate reaction level for each trailer covered by the amount of yelling, an Archer-inspired sploosh factor [ed. Gross], and the likelihood that I will actually see it.
Iron Man 3
Yelling Factor: One sustained yell of primal enthusiasm
The trailers for Marvel’s upcoming release have all done a great job of building the tension, leaving us to wonder how Tony will pull it off this time. The trailer gave us more of the same. Air Force One is exploding, and sixteen passengers just flew out of it. Jarvis, the computer system, tells Tony he can only carry four as they all plummet to the earth.
“Oh, boy,” indeed.
Sploosh Factor: Needs new shorts
I know some people might claim it looks absurd or show concern about the series going to darker, Nolan-esque places. Yet, I have great faith in director Shane Black and his affinity for mixing insane action, strong characterization, and a sly sense of humor (Kiss Kiss Bang Bang, Lethal Weapon, Long Kiss Goodnight). I’m also now insanely curious if Tony can save all of those people and how the plane pressurization happened in the first place.
Chance I’ll See It: 100%
It comes out the day before my birthday. I accept cash, Fandango gift cards, and free Goobers.
The Lone Ranger
Yelling Factor: One quick “Wait wait wait check this out”
Now that Johnny Depp has finally decided to drop the Jack Sparrow routine, we can finally enjoy him romping through another franchise.
Oh, wait, he’s not the Lone Ranger? He’s Tonto?
Whatever. It’s pretty clear from the trailers that two things will be true about this movie.
- This will be Johnny Depp’s show with Arnie Hammer’s Lone Ranger as the typical stoic hero whose scenes are readily stolen.
- This is the first attempt at a big budget western since Wild Wild West. Though, thankfully, it looks less obsessed with technology and more involved with western tropes, like moving trains and six shooters.
Sploosh Factor: Slight, but steady drizzle
The trailer isn’t mind blowing, but it certainly kept my attention and garnered some personal interest. Also, the kid throwing a single bullet to the titular hero is pretty sweet.
Chances I’ll See It: 60%
Reviews aren’t always kind to blockbusters of this nature, or the last two Pirates of the Caribbean sequels, so we’ll see if the Gore Verbinski and Johnny Depp strike gold again.
Fast & Furious 6
Yelling Factor: Three barbaric yawps punctuated by shushes directed at those on the couch.
I would rarely guess that the fifth time’s a charm, but director Justin Lin somehow made a great old school action movie with foot races, car chases, fist fights, shootouts, a heist, and a delirious sense of fun originally lacking from the series.
Oh, and adding the Rock automatically makes everything better. I never thought I would be so excited for a sixth movie.
Sploosh Factor: Old Faithful, with apologies to everyone within a 5-foot radius
The trailer pulls you in with glimpses of cars in mid-air, giant explosions, a grounded plane with a car blasting from within, and the Rock delivering a vicious flying People’s Elbow at two opponents.
Why isn’t this here yet?!
Chances I’ll See It: 100%
I saw number five alone because I thought I would be ashamed for liking it. I’m bringing the boys this time.
Star Trek: Into Darkness
Yelling Factor: A simple “oh yeah I’m gonna see that” (also, it’s Sherlock Holmes)
After doing the impossible by pleasing fanboys and unfamiliars with his Stak Drek debut, JJ Abrams is going to darker places coupled with destroying the Starship Enterprise. There’s a lot of mystery surrounding the villain, but one thing remains certain: he’s aiming to insult and injure Kirk if he can. The reboot’s first movie was about punishing Spock; looks like round two is going after Kirk.
Sploosh Factor: Moderate Fire Hydrant
The trailer doesn’t feature too much new footage aside from the Enterprise’s voyage or destruction, so there’s no extra tension than there was before. Still geekily giddy, though.
Chances I’ll See It: 80%
Only way I won’t see this is if no one else will see it with me. This doesn’t get the Fast Five treatment.
Oz: The Great & Powerful
Amount of yelling: Practically none
While I like Sam Raimi and practically everyone involved, this movie has never really looked that interesting to me. In truth, it looks like they’re trying to make it a giant CGI-fest (i.e., Alice In Wonderland), and I still haven’t found the energy or intrigue to see that.
Sploosh Factor: Dripping faucet
The trailer itself is engaging and features of ton of special effects and things to get excited about, but not so much if you’re in football mode. I think this trailer was sorely misplaced. Read: the Calvin Klein ad. WARNING: man nips.
Chances I’ll See: 30%
High critical reviews could change my mind, but this falls into the “I’ll see if my girlfriend wants, but I’m praying she doesn’t” file. Granted, this looks better than Bryan Singer’s Jack the Giant Slayer. Seriously, what’s happening to the guys that used to direct superhero movies?
World War Z
Amount of yelling: One solitary shout
While zombie movies are certainly being done to death, considering a zombie romcom just took the top spot at the box office, I’m all in favor of the zombie epic. Not so much for the story of humans struggling to survive or Brad Pitt or anything like that. No, I’m more interested to see zombies swarming like crazed fire ants. Purists and plothounds will argue against this, but I’m all for kicking up the mayhem.
Sploosh Factor: Oozinator
Watching the zombies scale a building by climbing each other is both genuinely terrifying and something I have yet to see from the genre.
Chances I’ll See It: 50%
This one could live or die by reviews for me. Without a decent story as an anchor, this could be all bite and no brains. Sorry. Kind of.
What Super Bowl trailer did you like the most? Any push you over to one side of the fence about seeing the movie?