Pizza: Yes

Pizza: Yes

Pizza is awesome.

There. That’s it. Article’s over. Go home, folks. What else needs be said?

 

….

 

Still here? Fine.

Sincerely, pizza is the ultimate food. My tastes have grown to accept raw fish and chewy vegetables into my digestion habits, but pizza has been a mainstay with my palate for as far as I can remember. Though there are many types of foods worth chowin’ on (read: everything but black olives or tuna fish), very few have the boundless potential like a big pizza pie, and here’s why you should be in amore with some ‘za.

PRICE

Vagrant accessible. via nycblondieandbrownie

Vagrant accessible. via nycblondieandbrownie

Pizza is round, certifiably tasty ramen in terms of bang for your buck. From college kids to massive get-together of parents and kids, the Italian pie is the go-to if you want plenty of food without emptying the piggy bank. Even the majority of local chains offer plenty of pizza to go around at extreme affordability.

Here’s a look at several national pizza chains with price comparisons on a large pizza, carryout only:

  • Papa John’s offers one with up to five toppings at $11 even.
  • Both Pizza Hut and Domino’s have a deal for two and three toppings max, respectively, but it’s restricted to Monday through Thursday.
  • If you’re jonesing for only pepperoni on your pizza, then Little Caesars at $5.99 Hot-N-Ready is worthwhile.

PizzaBOGO, a NE Ohio chain, loses the limits and keeps the bargain. A large pizza is technically $20, but note that BOGO in the name; it’s legitimate. Granted, the price essentially cancels out the feeling of “buy one, get one free,” but the icing on the cake: toppings are unlimited, and pizzaBOGO offers a magnificent variety of cheeses, meats, veggies, crusts, sauces, and other such extras. $10 for a large pizza with potentially 40+ toppings? Where’s my debit card?

SIZE

Delivered in 30 minutes or less, or it's...going to be late. via Huffington Post/Scott Weiner

Delivered in 30 minutes or less, or it’s…going to be late. via Huffington Post/Scott Weiner

Small. Medium. Large. Extra Large (or “Xtra,” if that’s your vowel-hating game). Party. Personal. Round. Square.

Simple, really. You’re going to spend enough time debating toppings, so why not keep the size decision neat and orderly? All you need to figure out is if you want some leftover for the next day.

If the answer’s not “OF COURSE,” then I’m not sure you and I will ever be eating together.

VERSATILITY

"What's the difference between this and an actual pie?" you might ask. I respond, "Eat up and shut up." via Pizzaracci

“What’s the difference between this and an actual pie?” you might ask. I respond, “Eat up and shut up.” via Pizzaracci

Swiss Army Slice. That’s what I’m going to say instead of “pizza” from now on. Okay, maybe I won’t, but you understand why I would. Pizza is as adaptable as any dish out there. Some qualities that play to pizza’s flexibility:

Temperature

Lava hot, refrigerator cold, or any degree between, pizza can satisfy you. Have half of a pie left in the fridge and in a pinch for dinner? 18 minutes in the oven can actually make that pizza taste better than when it was delivered. Hungry and lazy? Grab and go while it’s cold. Did you leave the box on the counter after a pepperoni-and-cheese lunch? Plate, napkin, pizza, done.

You may grimace about eating any such food without proper preparation, but pizza works your taste buds in wondrous ways.

Food Groups

Worried about your protein intake? Not enough fats in your diet for the day? Too many carbs without meat or veggies?

Problem always solved.

Take a look at these popular pizza toppings. Pizza could build the food pyramid by itself. Take THAT, Moses! All you’re really missing is a healthy dose of fruit, but pineapple is a personal favorite topping, so don’t skimp on it.

You can even spot some unique choices on the aforelinked list. Venison, duck, oysters, camembert cheese, cardamom, beetroot, and several other garnishes are rare, but wouldn’t you want to give one or more a go on your next order?

Mealtime

Pizza is most often a dinner dish, but it’s just as potent at lunchtime.

Breakfast? We’ve got that. Dessert? You better believe that’s going to happen.

If you’re not in the mind to sit and wait for a pizza to be delivered, there are a slew of pizza-flavored foods out there. Crackers, Combos, chips, and even hummus can come tasting as such. If you like, you can even make a pizza out of pizza-flavored foods. Even as a cheese-and-crust fanatic, even I’m wary about that amount of deliciousness in each bite.

Delivery

Chinese food and pizza–if you want delivery, those are the common options. Sure, there are other types of restaurants that will drive some tasty vittles to you, but you’ll find the initial two essentially anywhere with a paved road connecting your house to society.

Chinese is arguably as versatile as pizza when it comes to choices, sizes, and tastes. While Chinese restaurants toss in fortune cookies–an option that every other restaurant sorely lacks–there’s one clear (emphasis on that word) reason to choose pizza over Chinese: listening comprehension. Call me “racist” if you desire, but my anxiety and poor hearing make for a horrendous mix when it comes to ordering Chinese food over the phone. As awkward as I feel typing out this, I feel that much more uneasy when I struggle to understand the poor clerk’s responses when I specify I want Kung Pao Chicken.

I’m frowning at myself now. Thanks for judging, internet.

Besides, you don’t even need to talk to someone if you want to order pizza from most chains. Many offer online payment, and Pizza Hut recently introduced the option to order from Xbox Live, simultaneously a new low and high.

HEALTH

A pizza a day keeps the doctor mooching a slice off of you. via HitchFit

A pizza a day keeps the doctor mooching a slice off of you. via HitchFit

I’m not going to pretend that pizza is healthy. For the most part, you’re going to end up with a greasy, sloppy, cholesterol-laden circle.

Or will you?

Greatist provides 74 ways to make your pizza healthier by the ingredient. Considering you don’t have to sacrifice savoriness for bodily satisfaction when it comes to most of the substitutions, there’s no reason to make the switch. A Gizmodo story showcases a scientist’s ability to create a pizza that you can eat thrice a day without being unhealthy. I would already do that, so why not do so when it’s beneficial to my being?

Those with gluten sensitivity, an issue that puts pizza and many other awesome foods far out of reach, can sigh with relief thanks to Domino’s gluten-free pie. Though Domino’s mentions that those afflicted with celiac disease could still be at risk, there are still local restaurants that provide such wheat-free pizza without the concern; Tommy’s PCR, for example. With more and more restaurants accommodating the health-nut and allergic crowd, expect less sensory-offensive pies to pop up in chains and local locales.

TASTE

Pizza is scrumptious. End section.

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LUNCHABLES™

If I wasn’t too busy ordering adult-sized pizza, I would be piling Pizza and Treatza Lunchables into my grocery cart. They come with a meal, dessert, and a drink. Pizza Lunchables serve as a gateway to deliciousness for many kids with loving, caring parents.

Clearly the favorite child. Sorry, brother and sister and your awesome lives and wonderful families.

Clearly the favorite child. Sorry, brother and sister and your awesome lives and wonderful families.

For those that trade food at the lunch table in elementary school, Pizza and Treatza Lunchables can turn the most socially awkward child into king for a day. If that same kid is smart, he’ll hold onto that pizza for dear li–wait, it’s Pizza Day at the school? I can have my ‘za and eat it, too?

 

Monday through Sunday. Breakfast, lunch, and dinner. For a full meal or a snack. Eat it all yourself or share it with friends and family. Meats, cheeses, veggies, fruit, sauces.

What’re you having for dinner tonight? If you read carefully, you’ve already found your answer.

Header via Tommy Poorathur

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